Team Liquor: The Bomb Bloody Mary

Those that know and love me know that recently I’ve taken up with that classic alcoholic beverage known as the Bloody Mary. While I’d always liked the Bloody, it was never a major component of my repertoire until a few months back when, on a flight to Miami, I had a few on the aeroplane. The one I had on the plane was the bootleg version — vodka and tomato juice, viola! It got the job done.

However, being a massive proponent of brunch culture, as I began ordering Bloodys instead of mimosas on Sunday (and sometimes Saturday) mornings with my omelets, I realized that there was much more to the beverage then I’d originally thought. It was just my lucky (inside joke, not a typo) that two weeks ago on my birthday, I found a recipe for the bomb Bloody Mary on Lifehacker. And so I finally enjoyed the bomb Bloody for the first time this past Sunday. Why’d I wait two weeks to enjoy the bomb? Well you’ll just have to hit the jump to find out, now won’t you?

One of the ingredients in this recipe is “homemade” spiced vodka that must sit in your freezer for two weeks. So, on my birthday, I bought a bottle of no-name vodka and most of it was stored according to the recipe. (The rest I drank — remember, it was my birthday LOL.)

Okay, okay, so the recipe is below. I copied it from LH, for the most part, including the handy illustrations. But I did modify it some. Ch-check it out:

The Cup of Ice Part

First, you need a large cup, like a Dixie cup. We like Dixie cups in my household. It’s a necessity for your friendly neighborhood alcoholic. And make sure it’s nice and tall — twelve (12) ounces oughta do the trick.

Now, fill the glass with ice cubes. If you don’t have ice cubes, what the hell is wrong with you? Get thee to Tarjay and obtain some ice trays. When it comes to ice, you needn’t go all the way. Three-fourths (3/4) full is fine. Remember, ice is a good thing. It is your friend. Your homie.

The Vodka Part

Third, fill your cup one-third of the way full with vodka. Any vodka will do. Repetan, por favor? Okay. Any vodka will do. There is a time and a place for Grey Goose and Belvedere. There’s even a time for Svedka LOL. This is neither the time nor the place. Your vodka is about to mixed with all kinds of crazy shit, so let’s not waste the good stuff on a Bloody. Good vodka does not make a good Bloody. So, go with a cheap-o vodka. I went with Georgi, who, by the way, is trying to get New York’s favorite former call girl and MySpace singing sensation Ashley Dupre to be their latest ass model. They’re even considering naming a “No. 9” edition vodka in her honor. Classy.

Okay, having gone on a bit of a tangent there, let’s remind ourselves that there is an art to Bloody Mary vodka. We’re going to make homemade peppered vodka, and we’re going to start with Vitamin Water.

The Homemade Peppered Vodka Part

Fill an empty plastic Vitamin Water container with Georgi or Skyy (which was the official vodka of Sex and The City: The Movie, yak!) or any other low-class, sub-standard imported vodka you can find. Yes, Gary, even Popov.

As for which Vitamin Water you should go with, LH recommended Revive. That’s what I chose but I really wanted to go with Formula 50 because Curtis Jackson is such a cool motherfucker. Let it also be said that I did not wash the bottle out after drinking the Vitamin Water. I just went ahead and poured the vodka right on in. I’m not sure if that has any kind of effect on the final product, but that’s what I did.

Okay, now dump in a handful of whole peppercorns. I was quite upset in the beginning because I’d gone to Pathmark and bought peppercorns in a bottle with a grinder, believing I could take the grinder off. Nope. I was mistaken. So, the next day, I went to The Greene Grape and copped a bottle of peppercorns from Morton & Bassett. I still came out a winner, though, because I’ve been using fresh ground pepper in all my meals lately and everything tastes so! much! fucking! better! So, yay for me.

All right, so now you should seal the container and stick it in the freezer for two weeks. Ah, it’s all coming together, right? I knowed it would. Here’s the cool part: the vodka will become infused with the peppercorn and the result is “an alarmingly drinkable spicy beverage.”

Alone, this concoction makes for good late night sipping vodka. Or, daytime sipping vodka. Whatever your preference.

The Tomato Part

Now that you’ve got the vodka, you need the tomato juice. LH is adamant about one thing: never use Bloody Mary mix. Never. They recommend V8 over regular tomato juice because V8 “has a nicer, more drinkable flavor.”

Fuck that shit, dawg, whatever. Staying the cheap-o theme, I copped a jug of Pathmark brand tomato juice. Yumtastic. So now, you take your tomato juice and fill the cup up.

The Tabasco Part

The first time I added about 15 shakes of tabasco. (What, you think I’ve only made this once? Pssshaw.) Anyway, trust me when I tell you that putting 15 or so drops of tabasco in your Bloody will only serve to make you look like an asshole. Subsequent Bloodys only got about six or seven. The lesson, boys and girls, is that you should not overdo the tabasco. Bloody Marys should be spicy, but not on par with the Devil’s Bile.

The Black Stuff

Traditionally, you want Worcestershire sauce. Alternatively, soy sauce. But Worcestershire sauce is a bit tangier, plus it’s got a really cool sounding name.

The Something to Chew On Part

Add a spoonful of horseradish. This will probably be the only thing I use it for anyway, so may as well. Drop a teaspoon in after the black stuff. Then, mix vigorously. Don’t shake it, that’s so unnecessary. Just take that horseradish spoon and stir it like it were Kool-Aid.

The Spices Part

Last, you want to top you drink with spices. Go with garlic salt and ground pepper. And don’t mix them in, either. Just let them sit on top. Sheeeeit, that’s really the best part, taking that first sip through the spices

The Sunday Morning Part

This should be easy enough. Whether you’re preparing brunch for ten of your closest pals or reminiscing on the breezy you molested at Marquee the night before, the bomb Bloody can serve to make your Sunday just a bit brighter. Throw on some Phyllis Hyman and groove.

And hell, no one said this oh so perfect nectar of the gods was solely reserved for Sundays. I’m sipping on one right now. Why do you think I posted this? LOL enjoy!


One response to “Team Liquor: The Bomb Bloody Mary

  1. nice, I am going to have to try that sometime. I’ve only had one good bloody mary in my life and have been chasing that one since. Thanks for the recipe!

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